Sacraments

The history of human salvation is the history of the way God came to men. The first step on this way was the bridging of the gulf separating God and man in the person of the one Mediator Jesus Christ and by his work of redemption. By means of his Church, Christ makes his grace available to all. Only in this application of redemption to mankind is the redemptive action of Christ completed. The doctrine of the sacraments is the doctrine of the second part of God's way of salvation to us. It deals with the holy signs which Christ instituted as the vehicles of his grace.

The great mystery of the union in Christ of human nature with the Second Person of the Godhead is that the human actions and sufferings of Christ are divine actions and sufferings. The sacraments are a living continuation of this mystery. There are earthly, external signs here which, of themselves, could never acquire any supernatural significance, but the signs of the sacraments have been made by Christ into vehicles of his grace. The effect in men the grace for which Christ made them the sign.

So there are two fundamental ideas that constantly recur in the Church's teaching, on the sacraments. First, there is the Church's concern for these instituted by Christ, their number, and their proper preservation and administration; then the grace which Christ has for all time linked with these signs and which is communicated by them.

The second is the effect of the sacraments. They are the signs of Christ's work; the effectiveness of Christ's continuing work in his Church cannot be dependent on man's inadequacy. A sacrament, administered properly in the way established by Christ and with the proper intention, gives the grace it signifies. It is effective not by reason of the power of intercession of priestly prayer nor on account of the worthiness of the recipient, but solely by the power of Christ. The power of Christ lives in the sacraments. The effect of the sacrament is independent of the sinfulness or unworthiness of the minister. The Church has never tolerated any subjective qualification of the objective effectiveness of the sacraments ex opere operato. This would ultimately be to conceive the way of salvation as being man's way to God and not God's way to man.

Our parish offers sacramental preparation programs with the underlying premise that parents are the first and best educators in the faith and development of their children. The role of the Parish is to assist and support them in this role. Therefore the model for Religious Education that we use in our parish is a combined home-parish model. 

The Church Thus Teaches: There are seven sacraments. They were instituted by Christ and given to the Church to administer. They are necessary for salvation. The sacraments are the vehicles of grace that they convey. They are validly administered by the carrying out of the sign with the proper intention. Not all are equally qualified to administer all the sacraments. The validity of the sacrament is independent of the worthiness of the minister. Three sacraments imprint an indelible character.

Sacramentals are instituted by the Church and are effective by virtue of the Church's intercession. Institution and alteration of them are reserved to the Holy See.

So, what does Baptism say to us about the God we believe in? Three things jump readily to mind. Baptism, Confirmation, and Eucharist, as a group of three Sacraments, are called the “Sacraments of Initiation.” A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen!

• Baptism (together with Confirmation and Eucharist) tells us that God wants each and every one of us to belong—first of all, to God! Second of all, God wants us to belong to one another, to care for each other, and to form a community of faith with other believers. God is a family—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—and God gives us the grace, in these Sacraments of Initiation, to form human families that continue to reveal God’s love to the world.

• Baptism also tells us that our purpose in life is to know, love and serve God in all kinds of ways, but especially through one another.

• The prayers of Baptism tell us something really important about how God looks at us. One of the prayers of Baptism tells us clearly that the love of a mother and father for their child is the clearest picture we have of God’s love for us. The prayer goes like this:

The whole liturgical life of the Church revolves around the Eucharistic sacrifice and the sacraments. The mysteries of Christ's life are the foundations of what he would henceforth dispense in the sacraments. Christ instituted the sacraments of the new law. The seven sacraments touch all the stages and all the important moments of Christina's life. There is thus a certain resemblance between the stages of natural life and the stages of ht e spiritual life.

Our parish has adopted a series for use in the home; this means that the parents are the primary instructors in the faith for their children. The parish has a team of catechetical leaders who will support parents in using this program as a tool in the religious education and sacramental preparation of their children.

In our parish, registration for religious education and sacramental preparation program is held in September.

Throughout the year,  in addition to the weekly themes, we also have sessions for parents and for grandparents and use varieties of online resources.

The policy of our Archdioceses is that children are invited to receive the sacraments of confirmation and first Eucharist in the same year, usually age 7 or above.  We will provide more details when the program begins.
For further information call the Parish Office - 709-754-0170

Baptism, Confirmation, and Eucharist, as a group of three Sacraments, are called the “Sacraments of Initiation.” A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church, and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen! This also lay the foundations of every Christian life.

So, what does Confirmation say to us about the God we believe in? Three things jump readily to mind.

• Confirmation (together with Baptism and Eucharist) tells us that God wants each and every one of us to belong—first of all, to God! Second of all, God wants us to belong to one another, to care for each other, and to form a community of faith with other believers. God is a family—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—and God gives us the grace, in these Sacraments of Initiation, to form human families that continue to reveal God’s love to the world.
• Confirmation also tells us that our purpose in life is to know, love, and serve God in all kinds of ways, but especially through one another. In this Sacrament, as in Baptism, we are anointed for service.
• The prayers of Confirmation tell us something really important about how strengthens us and empowers us for service. In this Sacrament, God gives us the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit to strengthen and sustain us on the journey.

A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church, and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen!

So, what does Eucharist say to us about the God we believe in? Three things jump readily to mind.

• Eucharist (together with Baptism and Confirmation) tells us that God wants each and every one of us to belong—first of all, to God! Second of all, God wants us to belong to one another, to care for each other, and to form a community of faith with other believers. God is a family—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—and God gives us the grace, in these Sacraments of Initiation, to form and grow in human families that continue to reveal God’s love to the world.
• The Eucharist also tells us that our purpose in life is to know, love, and serve God in all kinds of ways and that God feeds us with the very Body and Blood of Jesus to form us and shape us and nourish us to go out and be God's very presence in and for the world. In this Sacrament, we are fed. We are fed because God knows that we need to be fed. We are also fed so that we can be food for others and bring them to Jesus, who is Food for All.

Eucharist also reminds us that Jesus gave his very life for us. In every Mass, we take part in, once more, Jesus’ sacrifice for us. Jesus continues to suffer and give his life for us. Following Jesus sometimes means sacrifice. Love often means sacrifice, but Jesus is with us every step of the way, feeding us, being our Bread for the Journey, and giving us good companions who will walk the road with us.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation has been known by three different names throughout history. These names are:

• Confession
• Penance
• Reconciliation

A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church, and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen!

Let’s look at the three titles that we have used to name this Sacrament.

If we call the Sacrament “Confession,” this captures one important aspect of the Sacrament. It involves us confessing what we have consciously done wrong, our sins. But if we focus on this alone, we kind of get the lens out of focus, don’t we? If we focus only on confessing our sins, we are looking only at what we have done wrong. That not the main focus of the Sacrament, because a Sacrament is meant to tell us something about God.

If we call the Sacrament “Penance,” this also captures one aspect of the Sacrament, for the Sacrament does involve us taking on a penance—doing something to make up for what we have done wrong. But if we focus on this alone, we kind of get the lens out of focus, don’t we? If we focus only on what we need to do to makeup, we’re missing what God wants to accomplish in this Sacrament.

But if we call the Sacrament “Reconciliation,” then we have the focus more clear. The Sacrament is really about what God wants to do in us and through us and for us in this wonderful encounter.

It tells us that God is love, and love is always ready to forgive, no matter what the wrong.

It tells us that God already knows the secrets of our hearts, but sometimes we need to name these aloud in order to prepare our hearts to renew the experience of God’s love and forgiveness.

It tells us that, as God is One, God dreams that we might all be one as well—one with each other and one with God. God’s will is that all people will be reconciled with one another and with God.

Parents are invited to prepare their children for the sacrament of reconciliation usually at age 8. If parents prefer to choose another time we will provide resources to assist them. We usually have a special celebration for the children to receive their first reconciliation in the spring.

This sacrament is available on:

Saturday:      3:30 - 4:20 pm

or by appointment.

The Sacrament of the Sick has been known by four different names throughout history. These names are:

• The “Last Rites”
• Extreme Unction
• Viaticum
• The Sacrament of the Sick

A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen!

Let’s look at the four titles that we have used to name this Sacrament.

If we call the Sacrament “The Last Rites,” this captures one important aspect of the Sacrament. It is often one of the last rituals celebrated with a person as he or she nears death. But if we focus on this alone, we kind of get the lens out of focus, don’t we? If we focus only on this Sacrament as a “Last Rite,” we miss the fact that it is meant to be celebrated with any person facing serious illness, a change in health, or surgery. The Sacrament is a healing one and can affect the body, mind, and spirit. Any Sacrament is meant to tell us something about God. In this Sacrament, God’s particular care for the sick and vulnerable is revealed and celebrated by the Church. Therefore, it is much more than “the Last Rites,” although this is one way that this Sacrament is celebrated.

If we call the Sacrament “Extreme Unction,” this also captures one aspect of the Sacrament, for the Sacrament does involve anointing. “Unction” means “Anointing.” In the Sacrament of the Sick, the person who is ill or suffering is anointed. Anointing with oil is intended to strengthen the sick person. The person may be strengthened to face the illness or surgery. The person might also be strengthened to face death. The anointing is also often a healing act, and, once again, that can mean healing of body, mind or spirit. What God wants to accomplish in this Sacrament is strengthening and healing.

A third name sometimes given to this Sacrament is “Viaticum.” “Viaticum” means “Food for the Journey.” Traditionally, one of the “Last Rites” is giving the dying person Communion. If we call the Sacrament “Viaticum,” we are recognizing that the Eucharist is indeed food for that final journey home to God; it may also be food to sustain the person on the road of returning to health and wholeness.

If, however, we call this Sacrament the “Sacrament of the Sick,” then we have the focus more clear. The Sacrament is really about what God wants to do in us and through us and for us in this wonderful encounter. It tells us that God is love, and love is always oriented toward healing and wholeness. God dreams that we might all be one, whole and live a life not touched by death. Sickness is not part of God’s will for humanity. Sickness and death came into the world with sin. IF we face illness, God walks with us every step of the way, and sustains us and strengthens us with the Sacraments and through the love and concern of the Church, family, friends and health care professionals. God’s will is that all people will be healed and reconciled with one another and with God.

If you would like to receive the sacrament of the sick or know someone who does, please contact the Parish Office - 709-754-0170.

We also have special masses during the year where parishioners can receive this sacrament in the parish community

“Holy Orders is the sacrament through which the mission entrusted by Christ to his apostles continues to be exercised in the Church until the end of time: thus it is the sacrament of apostolic ministry. It includes three degrees: episcopate, presbyterate, and diaconate.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1536)
Like Marriage, the Sacrament of Orders is sometimes called a “Sacrament of Commitment.” A Sacrament is a visible sign of God’s presence, God’s activity in our lives, in the Church and in our world. But it goes beyond that! Sacraments not only show us what God is like and what God dreams for us; Sacraments also make that happen!
In today’s Church, there are actually three degrees of “orders.” These are:

• Diaconate (the Order of Deacons). Deacons may be either Permanent (ordained to serve as a deacon for life) or Transitional (ordained to service as a deacon as a step on the path to the priesthood).
• Presebyterate (the Order of Priests)
• Episcopate (the Order of Bishops)

• God has a dream for humanity that includes the full, conscious, and active participation of all as priests, prophets, and kings.
• God desires that the Church may always continue to be fed by the Eucharist.
• God provides for this nourishment through the ministry of priests.

Ordination, or the reception of orders, is a religious and liturgical act that can be thought of as a consecration, a blessing or a sacrament. Today the word "ordination" is reserved for the sacramental act which integrates a man into the order of bishops, presbyters, or deacons, and goes beyond a simple election, designation, delegation, or institution by the community, for it confers a gift of the Holy Spirit that permits the exercise of a "sacred power" (sacra potestas)which can come only from Christ himself through his Church. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1538)

Ordination involves the laying on of hands by the bishop, along with a prayer of consecration. These constitute the visible signs of ordination.

The whole Church is a priestly people

through Baptism all the faithful share in the priesthood of Christ. This participation is called the "common priesthood of the faithful." Based on this common priesthood and ordered to its service, there exists another participation in the mission of Christ: the ministry conferred by the sacrament of Holy Orders, where the task is to serve in the name and in the person of Christ the Head in the midst of the community. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1591)

The ministerial priesthood differs in essence from the common priesthood of the faithful because it confers a sacred power for the service of the faithful. The ordained ministers exercise their service for the People of God by teaching (munus docendi), divine worship (munus liturgicum), and pastoral governance (munus regendi). (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1592)

To find out more about this great gift of God and explore whether you might be called to servant leadership as a priest, contact Father Steve Courtney, Director of Vocations for the Archdiocese of St. John’s at: v[email protected]   or 709-279-1625
You can also contact your pastor or another pastoral leader.

Six months advance notice required. The preparation session is OBLIGATORY, as is a pre-nuptial interview with the parish priest. For further information call the Parish office: 709-754-0170

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: What does the Catholic Church believe about Marriage?

A: The Catholic Church believes that Christian marriage is so sacred and holy a bond that we call it a “Sacrament.” A Sacrament is a sign, instituted by Christ, to show God’s love to the world and bring grace, joy, and comfort to us. The Sacrament of Marriage (also known as the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony) is intended by Christ to be a life-long commitment.

Marriage is a great sign of God’s love. The love of a married couple like a letter to us all from God, a sign to the world that God loves us all with a deep, abiding and boundless love.
 

Q: Who is the “minister” in the Sacrament of Matrimony?

A:  Good question! In this Sacrament, it is the couple who are the ministers of the Sacrament, and the priest or deacon who presides is the Church’s witness to the Sacrament.
 

Q: What are the purposes of marriage?

A: Marriage is showing to the world that God’s love is real, and present and transformative. Married love is meant to bear fruit in the lives of the couple, the community and the world. Children are one obvious fruit of marriage. Other fruits include a growing love for one another, an ability to pray together, the strength to reach out in love and charity to others—the list goes on an on! The growing and fruitful love of a couple is the best picture that we have of God’s love for us. When couples enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony, they receive the grace of that Sacrament. It is the grace to remain faithful and loving, even in the face of difficulty. Beyond that, God’s grace is never “one size fits all,” and so the grace that each couple receives is in accord with the graces that they need.
 

Marriage Preparation is a mandatory course required of couples preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Roman Catholic Tradition. Couples are asked to give six months' notice to their parish priest in order to ensure that the church and the pastor is available for the date of their choosing.

The Archdiocese offers this marriage program through experienced facilitators. 

Testimonials

Even though we find that there is some resistance to the fact that this course is mandatory before marriage, more often than not on the evaluation forms we are told by the participants that they are so happy that we require this course. They go on to say that the marriage preparation course should be opened up to all couples preparing for marriage no matter what their religious denomination.

Contact info

Unfortuately, there are times when a married couple(person) might consider an annulment. You will find below about this process. You can contact the parish priest or the Archdiocese for further information.

What is an annulment?

An annulment (sometimes called a “declaration of nullity”) is a formal statement by a Church Tribunal that a particular marriage lacks one or more of the essential qualities or “grounds” that are required in order for it to be considered valid.

What is a Marriage Tribunal?

There is usually a Marriage Tribunal set up in each Arch/diocese to deal with petitions for declarations of nullity (annulments). A Marriage Tribunal consists of people-- priests, religious sisters, and laypeople—who have some knowledge and expertise in the process. These people fulfill several different roles.

A Tribunal operates according to the Canon Law of the Church and, in some ways, functions like a court. But the difference is that—unlike a civil court—a Tribunal exists for pastoral reasons, and you will be treated with as much sensitivity as possible. The concern of the Tribunal is never to assess guilt. Rather, the role of the Tribunal is to gain a clear understanding of why a marriage failed, in order to free the parties and empower them to move on with their lives and pursue the possibility of marriage in the Church.

How does the annulment process work?

If a marriage breaks down, either of the spouses may petition, or ask, the Church for a declaration of nullity (annulment). A Church Tribunal (something like a court) examines the circumstances that led to the marriage and any problems that followed. This usually involves interviewing the spouses and some witnesses that the spouses name as having some insight into what went wrong. Following this investigation, the Tribunal may conclude that the marriage was not a valid one.

Every marriage that is validly celebrated is presumed to be valid until it is proven otherwise.

How long does the annulment process take?

An annulment case moves through two distinct phases:

The gathering of evidence:

• Persons are interviewed
• Any pertinent documents, letters, medical records, or psychiatric assessments are obtained.

After a judgment is given, the decision must be reviewed by an Appeal Tribunal. The Canadian Appeal Tribunal in Ottawa performs this role for all the arch/diocesan tribunals in Canada.

The entire process takes approximately 1-2 years, depending on the availability of witnesses and the complexity of the case.

Yes. Because of the expenses involved in maintaining the Tribunal Office, paying the salaries of staff members and sometimes enlisting the service of various experts, such as doctors or psychiatrists, the cost can range from $1000.00 - $1500.00. In the Archdiocese of St. John’s, a standard fee of $900.00 is requested. This is normally paid by the person who asked to begin the process, the petitioner. For those in financial difficulty, this charge may be reduced or waived entirely.

Will a declaration of nullity (annulment) affect the status of any children born of the marriage?

No. There is no way of denying that the couple was married for a period of time, during which the marriage was presumed to be valid. Children born of this marriage remain legitimate in the eyes of both Church and Civil Law.

Are people who separate or divorce prevented from receiving the Sacraments?

No. People who separate or divorce for reasonable cause are free to receive the Sacraments. This means that people who are separated or divorced, as long as they are not remarried outside the Church, can freely come to Mass and receive the Eucharist, celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or ask to receive the Sacrament of the Sick in times of illness.

Why would I need an annulment?

While the Catholic Church believes that marriage is a life-long commitment, it is a reality that some marriages break down. At some later point, either of the two parties may wish to re-marry in the Church. A declaration of nullity would permit them to celebrate a new marriage in the Church and to continue to participate fully in its Sacramental life.

What is the difference between an annulment (declaration of nullity) granted by the Church and a divorce granted by a civil court?

Well, the first difference is just that. an annulment, or declaration of nullity, is granted by the Church. A divorce is granted by a civil court.

In Canada, a church wedding fulfills not only the Church’s requirements, but also the requirements of civil law, and so is recognized by both authorities. If the marriage should break down, the civil law permits a new marriage if a divorce is granted by the competent court of law. In a similar way, the Church will only permit and recognize a new marriage if one of its tribunals (or courts) grants an annulment or declaration of nullity.

Marriage takes place on two levels –the civil contract and the sacramental bond. When a couple marries in church the sacramental bond is created between them by God as they declare their vows. The civil contract is created as they sign the legal papers. Both are done in the same ceremony. When a marriage is dissolved it must be done at both levels by the relevant authority: the civil courts dissolve the legal contract and then the church courts declare that the sacramental bond of marriage would not have been created by God if there was something lacking in the consent given by either one of the couples. Therefore the sacrament of marriage was not ‘created’ by God, and so it is said to be null – an annulment.

The questions asked by a Tribunal will be somewhat different than those asked by a civil court. The intent is to determine whether there was any factor that limits full and informed consent. Some of the factors could be:

• Youth and immaturity;
• External circumstances (e.g. pregnancy, family or other pressures);
• Insufficient knowledge of the other person;
• Insufficient knowledge of the responsibilities that marriage really entails.

What are some of the “grounds” on which an annulment (declaration of nullity) could be granted?

There are a number of “grounds,” on which an annulment (declaration of nullity) might be granted. It is best to discuss these from the perspective of what is required for a marriage to be considered valid in the eyes of the Church. So… the Church considers that there are four characteristics that work together to make a valid marriage. They are:

• It is permanent, enduring until the death of one of the parties;
• It is open to having children, and to supporting and educating them;
• It is a faithful and exclusive relationship, and
• It is a relationship of love and trust.

A Tribunal would examine how both parties in the marriage responded to these four characteristics. The Tribunal would ask:

• Did each have sufficient freedom and maturity to properly judge whether they were ready for the responsibilities of marriage with this particular person at the time the marriage began?
• Did one or the other intend to exclude one or more of these characteristics at the beginning of the marriage?
• Were the parties psychologically capable of living a marriage that would express, to an adequate degree, these four characteristics?

Who can ask a Church Tribunal for an annulment (declaration of nullity)?

Any Catholic who has separated or is divorced from his/her spouse may apply, provided that all possible means of reconciliation have been tried and failed. It sometimes occurs that a non-Catholic who is divorced now wishes to marry a Catholic. Because the Catholic Church upholds the validity of most marriages, it would be necessary for that person to have his/her earlier marriage examined by the Catholic Marriage Tribunal and to obtain a declaration of nullity so that he/she may now marry a Catholic.

How do I begin this process?

If you want to begin the annulment process…

• You should contact your parish priest or another pastoral leader in your parish.
• He/she will ask you to fill out some forms.
• He/she will write up a short “case history,” or a summary of the problems that were encountered in the marriage.
• You will be asked to provide the names of at least three (3) people, other than you and your former spouse, who would have some knowledge of the circumstances of your courtship and married life, and would be willing to be interviewed by a member of the Tribunal.
• The file will then be sent on to the Archdiocesan Marriage Tribunal.

What information will I need?

You will need the following information (if it applies):
Baptism (and Confirmation) certificates
Marriage certificate
Divorce certificate (Decree Absolute)
Contact information for you and your former spouse

Does my former spouse have to be informed?

Yes. Your former spouse has to be informed because a declaration of nullity will affect them and their freedom to re-marry in the Church. It should be noted that, while a former spouse may assist in this process, their objection to the process cannot prevent it.

Who do I contact for more information?

CATHOLIC MARRIAGE TRIBUNAL
ARCHDIOCESE OF ST. JOHN’S
Very Reverend Francis Puddister
Judicial Vicar
Archdiocesan Pastoral Centre
200 Military Road
St. John’s, NL A1E 2E8
Phone: 709-726-3660
Fax: 709-726-3688 
[email protected]

When a loved one dies, please contact the parish as soon as possible. Members of our Bereavement Committee will assist you with planning a prayerful and meaningful funeral liturgy.

We are here to do whatever we can to be of service to you during this time of loss and grief. We would like to meet with one or two family members to select readings and hymns and plan a service that will celebrate the life of your loved one. If, at any time you have any questions, or you believe we may be of any assistance to you, please call the Parish Office: 709-754-0170

Questions and answers:

Q: Can I give a eulogy at the funeral mass?

A: Please consult the Bereavement Committee or the Pastor

Q: Is Cremation allowed?

A: Yes, as long as it is not done for any anti-Christian reason.

Q: Can I pick the hymns I want for the funeral?

A: We select hymns from the Catholic Book of Worship III or the Glory and Praise Hymnal. Things to keep in mind when selecting hymns are they should be liturgical, easily sung by the community, and familiar to the instrumentalist and cantor.

Q: Who should I get to do the readings in Church?

A: It is a good idea to choose people who will proclaim the word in such a way that it ministers to all assembled for the mass. Usually, if a member of the family or a friend of the family regularly reads at mass they would proclaim the word at the funeral mass. Regular parish readers are available if need be.

Q: I’m not sure what to do in Church, can you help me?

A: At a time like this, even the most seasoned people are often unsure of themselves. That is why the Bereavement Team is here. We will be visiting you in the funeral home and we will also be at the Church when you get there. If you are uncertain about anything Please Ask!

Q: Do I need to pay the priest or organist or cantor?

A: All charges for the services provided by various people will be discussed with you by the funeral home staff.

Q: I want to have a bulletin or program for Church. Where do I get these?

A: The funeral home staff will discuss this issue with you, please note that you are not required to have one.

Funeral Homes in Our Area 

• Caul's 753-6845 or 437-1610 www.cauls.ca
• Carnell's 722-2730 or 747-7740 www.carnells.com
• Barrett's 579-6007 or 364-1937 www.barretts.ca

Dealing With Grief

While there is no magical solution to dealing with grief, we would like to offer some suggestions which may be of assistance to you:

• Go gently. Your body, mind, and heart need the energy to mend.
• Don’t overextend yourself. Keep decision-making to a minimum.
• There is no fixed period of mourning. Grief takes time, whatever time it takes.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those close to you.
• Accept help and support when offered.
• It’s okay to cry. Crying can help ease the pain and make you feel better.
• It’s okay to be angry. You may be angry with yourself, God, the person who died, or others.
• Be good to yourself. Take a hot bath, go for a walk or take in a movie.
• Depression is not uncommon in those who grieve. Be careful not to totally withdraw from others.
• Don’t throw yourself into your work or other activities so that you are left with no time for grieving.
• Everyone handles loss differently and in their own time.

The death of a loved one is one of the most stressful situations we will ever face in life. While it will not lessen the pain, please realize that what is happening to you is quite natural. Over the next while your emotions will probably alternate back and forth among the following: The Stages of Grief

• Shock and Denial - You may feel numb and a voice inside may be saying "No!" There is denial and disbelief.
• Disorganization - You may be out of touch with the ordinary proceedings of life. There is confusion. You break from your daily routine and may even be forgetful.
• Anger - You may be angry at God, doctors, the hospital, family or friends. Don’t let these feelings simmer - get them out in a non-destructive way. Often, talking openly helps diffuse the anger.
• Guilt and Bargaining - This is the period of the "if only's". If only I had…, If only he had…, If only we hadn’t…. This often results in unrealistic guilt. The Sacrament of Reconciliation or a face-to-face talk with your priest can be a tremendous help in dealing with these feelings.
• Physical and Emotional Distress - Some of the symptoms of physical distress are sleeplessness, tightness in the throat, shortness of breath, sighing, and poor appetite. Emotional distress symptoms are a sense of unreality, emotional distance from people, feelings of panic, thoughts of self-destruction, or the desire to run away.
• Depression - Feelings of despair, self-pity, emptiness, and hopelessness. These feelings may be intensified in those with small families or who live alone.
• Loss and Loneliness - This is a very painful stage. The reality of the empty chair at the table or the quiet house. Sadness and depression follow and self-pity is frequent. Problems that were once shared become magnified when faced alone.
• Withdrawal - The bereaved withdraw from social relationships and activities. Usual daily routines are disrupted.
• Acceptance - This stage begins slowly. Hope begins to soften feelings of guilt, anger, and a sense of loss. Acceptance will be mixed with feelings of anxiety and guilt. With acceptance comes peace.
• Reaching out - When you emerge from your grief you will find that you have grown in warmth, understanding, and wisdom.